White House Genealogist Announces President Obama is 51% White!

The White House has announced that their in-house Genealogist has confirmed that President Barack Obama is in fact 51% White and only 49% Black.

Oddly, less than an hour later, Republican leaders announced that they were now willing to work with the President in order to get America back on track, “…but that has nothing to do with the fact that he’s now more White than Black!” Screamed Representative Boehner, who emphatically denies the allegations that only one hour after the announcement that President Obama is more White than Black, they are suddenly willing to work with him.

“We’ve been planning this for weeks,” Boehner added, “this is all just a funny coincidence!” Then he cried a little.

Senator Mitch McConnell, also a strong opponent to anything the President has tried to do over the last five years, demanded that a separate, non-partisan genealogist be brought in to confirm the results of the first test, then added “…if this is true, I am willing to take another look at this Affordable Health Care thing, but that in NO WAY has ANYTHING to do with the fact that he might be more like one of us.

When asked what ‘one of us’ meant, Senator McConnell fumbled with his tie and moved his turtle head from side to side, mumbling something incomprehensible.

The head of the no-longer-taken-seriously Tea Party announced that this didn’t change anything, but no one was actually listening nor did we even bother to take down her name for the sake of this story…we think she might have been wearing a purple pantsuit.

The White House also added that since the news was announced that our President might actually be a tad more White than Black, he has since been offered a better mortgage on his Chicago home, his car payments were cut nearly in half and a bi-partisan bill in Congress is being passed around, proposing the raising of the salary for the Office of the President.

Sources close to the President have also informed us that he has been flooded with invitations to various golf clubs around the country, though all deny it has anything to do with the latest news,  calling these invitations a weird or funny coincidence.

Historians will now start referring to this as the first interracial marriage within the White House and will return to calling President Clinton  our first, truly,  Black President.


S. Bernstein is the creator of stuff, which can be seen at www.TheMessyGlory.com

Follow S. Bernstein on Twitter: @MrBernstein on Twitter

Author: The Blue Route