I'm Pretty Sure Obama Tried to Kill Me

I’ve been healthy all my life. I get a cold about once every 7 to 10 years. I’ve had knee replacement surgery and healed so quickly that my surgeon wanted to video tape me walking in and out of his office to assure other patients. Yes, I’ve had sinus trouble but who hasn’t?

Imagine my surprise when I was told I had a tumor in my colon. And then a few days later when I was informed it was cancer. Fortunately for me, it was caught in time and the initial surgery to remove the tumor was sufficient to cure me.

Well after a lifetime of health and now a potential deadly disease, I began to examine my circumstances. In a trouble shooting class a long time ago, I had been taught to think about what was different when looking for problems. They usually happen when something changes.

And it came to me: Barrack Hussein Obama had been elected president. I know it seems like a long shot but indulge me just a bit longer.

Think about it. Haven’t we had more than our share of problems since this man was elected. For instance, Hurricane Sandy wiped out portions of New Jersey. Let me repeat that – New Jersey! How strange is that?

The Philippines have been all but decimated. Okay that’s not a part of the United States, but it is strange isn’t it. I’m just saying…

But the big issue is this Obamacare thing going on right now. This man has shown us he is not even capable of programming a website that works so you might ask how can he  be responsible for my cancer.

Yes. It’s mysterious until you connect up the dots here folks. A health care plan that no one can sign up for. Now at 73, cancer in a body that has been healthy all these years. Is this his way of getting rid of seniors without death panels?

Good thing I have another healthcare insurance plan or I wouldn’t have had all the services I needed to save my life. I hate to think what would have happened if Obama’s socialist  government got their hands on my Medicare.

No one is immune to this man’s power. Even Zach Galifianakis saw it when he pointed out the changes in Miley Cyrus. When Bush was president she was such a sweet Disney-like child, whom we all adored. Now that Obama is president, she’s turned in a pot-smoking sex symbol.

For me, all that remains is to figure out why he does all this bad stuff to us.  There must be a subversive conspiracy at work somehow. Consequently, I think the answers may be found by studying the thought-leading intellectuals on the Christian right; the masters of uncovering subversive conspiracy plots.

For instance, Sarah Palin, who is working hard to be sure the Pope doesn’t subvert fundamentalist Christian theology with the real teachings of Jesus. Or Pat Robertson, who can still sit upright and sound like he’s actually alert and connected to some reality; one he shares with Sarah, however remote it may be.

I think we need to heed the warnings coming from these folks. Here’s a couple of the latest. Tony Perkins of the Family Research Council warned that the Obama administration is “on a search-and-destroy mission as it pertains to religious liberty – you know, the religious liberty to impose your religious beliefs on others. See more

And Rep. Louie Gohmert (R-TX), who is becoming a regular fixture on Paranoia-Rama, who thinks there actually may be a sinister plot by Obama to train doctors with weapons as part of a plan to suppress the American people – after all, scalpels can be used as weapons too. See more.

I’m telling you, ignore their wisdom at your own peril. I did and look what happened to me. I’m just saying.

Robert DeFilippis

Author: The Blue Route

What say you, the people?