Each year Congress does their Best of D.C. pamphlet where they choose their favorite places to eat, golf courses and other things to do in Washington. And each year, without fail, A-Hole Donuts wins for best Donut Shop.
Bob and Martha have both passed, he in 1987 and she just recently, in 2008. Their son, Bob Jr. runs the shop, and has kept it exactly the way his parents left it. When we asked Bob Jr. why this particular donut shop was so popular, this is what he told us:
“I think it’s a combination of things. We have a great location just down the street from the Capital Building, our staff is courteous, our donuts are good and you can be in and out of A-Hole in minutes.”
Asked why they chose the A-Hole idea for their donuts and their name, he chuckled a bit before answering. “Well, my dad hated politicians and thought they were a bunch of A-Holes, pardon my language, but he also knew that they were the only people in this town who had enough money to spend on frivolous things like donuts and dentistry. So he named it A-Hole with the idea that the idiots in Congress would be attracted to something that appealed to them, being that they all act like A-Holes, pardon my language, most of the time, they must enjoy it enough to not want to change.”
Bob Jr. then showed us around the kitchen, which was filled with items dating back to the 60’s and 70’s, proving that things really hadn’t changed much in the 50-plus years A-Hole has been putting food out. “The idea to cut the triangles into the donuts was my mom’s idea,” he continued, “she felt that people might be offended by the name unless we made it look like it was referring to something else. People come in from all around, curious when they see the sign with the big A-Hole on it, then they get a good laugh when they see the donuts actually do have an A for a hole in them.”
Apparently, during the Reagan years, the donut shop was barely surviving as was most of America – which is what happens when you put an A-Hole in the White House. That’s when his mother had her second great idea – to box up all the holes and sell them separately, which became known as their top seller, A Box of A-Holes.
“The Box of A-Holes idea was genius!” Remembers Bob Jr. “We could not keep them on the shelves. For some reason, this town went crazy over being able to send A-Holes to other people, we even had to hire a delivery van specifically for gift boxes of A-Holes that were sent all over D.C. In fact, when George W. Bush was in office, we had more business delivering A-Holes to the White House than we did during the entire Reagan and Bush Sr. Presidency. For some reason, people really wanted the Bush Administration to eat A-Holes.”
Bob Jr. says he will retire someday, and having no children of his own, he’s not sure what will happen to the family business that has become a landmark in our nation’s capital. “I suppose I will either close shop or allow it to be bought out by someone who will promise not to change much in the way we’ve been doing business all these years.” He looked a little sad when he added, “I just can’t imagine with all the work my mom and dad put into this place, it not being here offering A-Holes to the next generation of A-Holes, pardon my language, we put into office.”
As we said goodbye to Bob Jr. and walked out into the street, a beautiful D.C. sunset lit up the sign that said A-Holes, and behind it, the dome of the Capitol building stood tall, in all its majesty.
S. Bernstein is the creator of stuff, which can be seen at www.TheMessyGlory.com