BREAKING NEWS: Idaho Teacher Suspended For Saying "Potato"

According to Sandpoint news station, KKFU, local school teacher Amy Stellar was put on administrative leave when it was discovered she pronounced ‘Potato’ with the ‘tat’ portion pronounced ‘taw’.

Andrew Levowitz, Administrator for the Sandpoint School District, released this statement earlier today.  “Yesterday evening we received numerous phone calls from angry parents who said their children had relayed to them that Ms. Stellar had pronounced ‘Potato’ using the ‘taw’ pronunciation, violating school policy and forcing us to put her on administrative leave until we can get to the bottom of this.” 

Mr. Levowitz is referring to a 1984 School Board ruling that educators were not allowed to pronounce the word Potato, using, as they referred to it in the policy, ‘…the lazy, Boston accent that demeans the pride and the heritage of what this great state is founded upon.”

Administrator Levowitz went on to explain that – “…it is because of elitists like that Charles Emerson Winchester guy on that MASH show, who destroy our language by changing how stuff is supposed to be said, slowly unraveling the very fibers that make us great.” When we pointed out that Mr. Winchester was a fictional character on a fictional show, Levowitz responded that we were just ‘sticking up for our own.’

According to school policy, Ms. Stellar can be suspended for up to two weeks, and then a decision has to be made about whether to move toward termination or allow her back into the classroom. Ms. Stellar was not available for questions, her lawyer released a short response: “We are confident that we will be able to clear up this misunderstanding between Ms. Stellar and the School Board, it’s not like she said something horrible, like Vagina!’

Further investigation has shown that a similar incident occurred in 1993 in Chino, CA – the top tomato producer in the U.S. – when a kindergarten teacher pronounced it to-maw-to, and received 2 years in prison. Unfortunately, she was killed while under the custody of the California State Penitentiary System, apparently by a gang of school teachers from a rival elementary school.

 

S. Bernstein is the creator of stuff, which can be seen at www.TheMessyGlory.com

Author: The Blue Route

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