World Leaders to President Obama: Please Don't Bomb The Sh-t Out Of Us!

In an interesting turn of events, world leaders have been flooding the White House with phone calls, emails and telegrams, asking President Obama to please not come after them in the wake of the Boston Marathon Bombings.

It started with a simple letter from Miloš Zeman, the President of the Czech Republic, who was concerned that the two bombers being Chechnyan, would be confused with them being Czech, since those words are so similar and Americans are pretty shitty when it comes to knowing much of anything outside their own country.

“The Czech Republic and Chechnya are two different entities – the Czech Republic is a Central European country; Chechnya is a part of the Russian Federation.”

He went on to say,

“… the Czech Republic is an active and reliable partner of the United States in the fight against terrorism. We are determined to stand side by side with our allies in this respect, there is no doubt about that. ” (see letter here)

Once word got out, leaders the world over scrambled to deliver notes of their own, causing a diplomatic disarray not seen since the late 1980’s, when the  late Margaret Thatcher offered up her virginity for a nice summer home outside of the UK.

We caught up with the President of Lithuania, Dalia Grybauskaitė, to ask her why the sudden need to let the President know who his friends were. 

“After what happened to Iraq, after 9/11, we realize that with a military as large and a Congress as ignorant as what your people elect, it’s better to be safe and make sure they don’t decide we’re hiding WMD’s or some other ridiculous notion.”

She then proceeded past us toward the White House, and we’d like to note that she was carrying a nice basket from Harry and David and wearing a just-above-the-knee silk dress, looking quite stunning.

According to White House sources, most correspondence have simply reminded the President that “not all brown people are bad ” or “we love the America” and the occasional one will simply get to the point and beg that we… “please don’t bomb the shit out of us.” 

The White House Diplomatic Affairs office has begun sending out reassuring notes to all countries that with the removal of President Bush, they need not fear us creating fake wars based on lies, as we are no longer have Vice President Cheney behind the green curtain.

Rumor has it the White House also added a p.s. to that letter that read, “…but watch our for our drones!” –  but it was later removed, as they were afraid some countries might not get the joke.


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Author: The Blue Route

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