BREAKING NEWS: Neither the Royal Family, Nor Their Baby – Matter.

I’m just going to be straight honest with all of you right out of the gate.  The whole reason for this media baby fervor with the royal family is the same as the over-blown coverage of their fairy tale marriage – they are fading into insignificance.

There is no “royal” family.  Because nothing about them makes them royal.  They are people, plain and simple – though they would have you believe otherwise.  And aye, there’s the rub.  They sit around, a jobless bunch of self-important social leeches telling the world to look up at them in their tower in awe because they were born into one name rather than another.

Everyone is so stirred up these days about how “offended” they are.  Offended by a comedian.  Offended by pranks.  Offended by perceived racism.  Why doesn’t anyone seem to be offended by the recommendation that we worship a tradition of people standing over others because of their “noble” birth.  We threw that crap out the window hundreds of years ago as Americans, which is why it is bewildering that we swoon at the activities of the “crown” and the hypocrisy that is the royal family now.

They are terrified that they are on the verge of being forgotten, and they should be forgotten.  They are a symbol of oppression, still playing knights and castles.  And if you suck up enough, you too can be made a little better than everyone else if Grandma taps your shoulder with a hunk of metal.

Yes I know they do charity work.  Whoop-dee-shit.  So do countless millions, and they don’t get to live in a palace or idealize a Republican’s wet-dream-level welfare citizens.  We should not sit around and clap when they actually do something, because they could do all of that off a throne and out of a castle.  THAT is respectable, not what is currently rendered.

So one of them also had a baby today.  Refer to the comment at the beginning of the previous paragraph.  Babies are special, but that baby is no more royal or special than any other baby born today.  If they really wanted a pat on the back, they could have adopted any number of children with no home and created a true fairy tale to remember.  But God forbid we risk an English king or queen of color.

Your blood does not make you royal, nor noble.  Your actions do.  You know who really had a touch of nobility?  Princess Diana.  She held a baby with AIDS when nearly no one else would and visited children stricken with cancer on a regular basis.  She dedicated herself to countless causes and yet they so loathed her.  One lifted detail from that article hyperlinked reads as follows:

One former lady-in-waiting is on record as explaining her impatience with Diana was based on her disappointment that ‘a girl from a good family could have taken on marriage to the heir to the throne without understanding the implications’.

‘I know she’s very young,’ she said, ‘but she ought to have known better.’

The ‘implications’ that the Queen Mother was referring to involved her old-fashioned view of a traditional aristocratic marital order in which ‘men have affairs, women do not.’

As she would put it: ‘That is how men are,’ which can be loosely translated into what an exasperated Charles raged at Diana at the crescendo of yet another row over Camilla: ‘Do you really expect me to be the first Prince of Wales not to have a mistress?’  ‘She thought Diana was being naive in bothering herself over Camilla and this showed her poor sense of duty, or devoir as she called it,’ says one close figure.

The royal family is and will always be a symbol.  a symbol of imperialism, slavery, abusive power, corruption, and insane/outdated rhetoric like that mentioned above.

If that little baby ever does receive the crown, the greatest thing he could ever do is toss it in the channel and escort his family out of their palaces and castles – letting them become the pieces of the past they should be – both the buildings and the family itself.

I leave you with the musings of the great C.K. himself on the matter:


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Author: The Blue Route