BREAKING NEWS: George W. Bush Decides To Run Across America

In a surprising turn of events, former President George W. Bush has hit the streets of America in an attempt to run from sea to shining sea.

Sources say it started last Thursday when, after watching Forrest Gump for the first time, President Bush announced that he too was going to just run. Apparently he was serious, as the following morning after clearing some brush and putting a few finishing touches on his latest dog painting, President Bush strapped on a pair of Nikes and hit the open road.

According to his Secret Service detail, it appears he is heading North on Interstate 35 into Dallas, most likely hooking up with Interstate 30 as he heads East. When asked if he had made any preparations for this trip, trained for it or even considered a possible exit strategy should it not turn out the way he had hoped, one agent merely shrugged his shoulders and said this appeared to be as well thought out as our entry into the Iraq war.

At one rest stop we asked former President Bush what exactly he was hoping to accomplish on this run. Was this a way to bring attention to some sort of cause, or to somehow win back the respect of the American people by crossing this great land of ours? A form of redemption perhaps? But short of breath and trying to chug a bottle of Gatorade, President Bush merely responded with “I’m running,” smiled, then threw his empty bottle down at his feet and hit the pavement once again.

Former First Lady Laura Bush has announced she will not be joining her husband on this journey, stating that even though she thought Forrest Gump was a decent movie, she felt the role played by Tom Hanks was just overdoing it. “Who in their right mind,” she asked, “could be around someone so stupid as that Gump guy? It baffles me!” 

When asked if she knew why her husband decided running across America was a good idea, she merely smiled and said, “George is bored, he does all kinds of silly things, why just last week he built a model of Washington DC out of toothpicks and them stomped all over it like Godzilla.” 

Former Vice-President and War Monger, Dick Cheney, was asked what he thought of the fact that George W. Bush was running across America in an apparent act of boredom, he simply responded by saying, “Who?” 

So as we follow this great trek across America by one of our former leaders, we can only offer our support with a simple Run George…Run!


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Author: The Blue Route

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