American People March On Washington To Make Monday Illegal

In a massive display of public fear, Americans from all over are marching on Washington to demand we stop Monday from coming.

“We are scared shitless,” said John Brennen from Oregon, “last Monday brought a week of bombs, factory explosions, shoot-outs, sinkholes, flooding, earthquakes…obviously we need to just stop having weeks occur at all!”

The National Guard was put on standby as the crowds reached near record proportions, and there seemed to be a frantic quality to the gathering.

“I’m not really sure why these people just now figured out Monday sucks,” said autoworker John Gillcry. “I’ve been aware of that since my early 20’s.”

As the masses of people worked their way from the Mall toward the White House, extra Secret Service was brought to the area. The White House made the following statement:

“We understand this last week has been horrible in America, but we have to remember all the other Mondays and following weeks, which proceeded along without incident. Not to mention, we can’t really control the days of the week, they just sort of happen on their own.”

Not to be dissuaded, the crowds then encircled the White House and started chanting ‘No More Mondays‘, while waving American Flags and shooting off fireworks. Splinter groups are also demanding that ‘hiding under the covers‘ be recognized as a National Holiday, we received no word if the White House was considering this proposal.

A smaller group gathered just outside a Starbucks in Ventura, CA, shouting ‘Fridays are a Bitch‘, but it was a sad, little gathering that never really gathered much momentum.


S. Bernstein is the creator of stuff, which can be seen at

Follow S. Bernstein on Twitter: @MrBernstein on Twitter

Author: The Blue Route

What say you, the people?